Rats

I have just been reading a lengthy chapter in one of M's old motoring books on the crankshaft. Being an old book, it's beautifully illustrated with those engraving type diagrams of different kinds of crankshaft. However, the illustrations can't disguise the fact that the subject matter is, to me at any rate, mind-numbingly and fingernail-chewingly turgid. BUT even this life-sappingly deadly reading matter can provde some light relief from the scenario phtographed here. You see, M finally agreed that the ceiling should indeed come down on the dining room. So this is what happened next because it then transpired that this ceiling, too, is full of rat bedding and droppings. It all stinks like you woudn't believe. This room is going from bad to worse. We should never have gone in it. We could have just stuck a picture of how we would like it to look on the door, and distracted any more persistent visitors with the offer of yet another game of 'Nostalgia' and another glass of calvados.

Fire Gardening

Here is another handy hint. We were shown this by the long Swede in the second pic. You need a dry day-which today was. Then you get a match, and set fire to your garden. All the dry bits flare up and burn. No mowing or strimming required. Just raking to move the burning parts around. There's a constant crackling as the fire travels about, doing it's business. Then it hit the bay tree. There was a huge roar and wooosh as the tree turned into a firework, throwing flames and smoke up into the air. It was incredibly noisy. Then just as suddenly, the fire moved on, leaving the tree intact. It had passed up through the centre of the tree, burning only the dead leaves and sticks. Phew. 'I knew that would hoppen' said our inscrutable friend. Hmmmm....I hadn't realised before how terrifying the noise of an approaching fire could be. Or how rejuvenating fire can be. Marvellous! I don't know why we never thought of setting fire to the garden back in England....

Dangerous Dogs

Obviously, I am in favour of the government's recent proposed guidelines for the keeping of dangerous dogs. We all get bored out of our skulls from time to time and, speaking for myself, I just love forms and time wasters. They have hit upon a real vote-winner here. Luckily, we own two dangerous dogs. The first, Bessie, is pictured here. She is on a mission to reduce all humans to having cone shaped heads by continously licking them. Also, one of her favourite foods is mallow like duck shits so her mouth is a haven of good hygiene. Our other dog is a teckel who farts noisily and noxiously. His second weapon is complete disobedience and disregard which inuduces a state of apoplexy in any human associated with him such as is likely to bring on heart failure. I look forward to their risk assessments and am confident that they will achieve high scores.

Complexities

Things are never straightforward, are they. There we were thinking we would just put in a new floor...now this seems to involve numerous further steps including replacing a stair case, and knocking out a new doorway. No wonder the man in a beret is looking a little overwhelmed by events. Meantimes, the taller man seen through the new hole in the wall is, being a Swede, keeping himself peacefully occupied with a necessary task. On further looking at this picture, it seems that M is tackling this task without putting something down on the floor for his knees. He and I have argued about this oversight in the past since he will suffer later for this when his knees start cracking and he starts moaning. What is a woman to do??? I didn't think we had even decided we wanted a door there but there is a certain momentum to these things and, once started, there can be no going back...